Trials, Emotions, and a Yellow Note Pad

Trials, Emotions, and a Yellow Note Pad


After listening to a sermon by John Piper today after class covering John 6:1-15, I wanted to go and have a quiet time over those fifteen verses, as well as the whole chapter, John 6. The reason why I wanted to do that is because of a few reasons, but they are as follows: idols in my life (professional wrestling, my iPod, podcasts, etc.), sin, being content in sinning, a deceitful mind, anger, philosophy, and other people’s words. Why am I bringing this up, and why am I putting this out there, in the public eye? I hope this may help you guys as well as it helped me, reading John 6, reflecting it with God, and now on my computer screen, being read by you.

But before I go further, directly below is a link to the John Piper sermon I listened to today. I highly suggest you all to take time, download it and listen to it. It helped me out on seeing things not with my own eyes that can be blind, but more with God’s.

“The All-Providing King Who Would Not Be King”—John Piper
http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Sermons/ByDate/2009/4376_The_AllProviding_King_Who_Would_Not_Be_King/

John 6 discussed several different things. It covers as follows: verses 1 – 15 (“Jesus Feeds the Five Thousand”), verses 16 – 24 (“Jesus Walks on the Water”), verses 25 – 59 (“Jesus the Bred of Life”), and verses 60 – 71 (“Many Disciples Desert Jesus”).

Verse fifteen strike me to be kind of odd. Here it is: “Jesus, knowing that they tended to come and make him king by force, withdrew again to a mountain by himself (NIV).” Why did this verse strike me as odd? That even Jesus left to go spend time alone with God the father. This pops out to me, asking me this question: Do you take time out for God, alone, away from everything? And in words of Chris Sligh:

Empty me
Of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition
And the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me
So I can be
Filled with you

Great song. Go out and buy that song, if not the whole album! The song is “Empty Me.” But to the point I was making, we all should go and take time, along with God, for He can help us empty us of ourselves. For He can kill off all the things that isn’t of Him for we all can be filled with Him.

Another passage that spoke to me is this, John 6:43-51: 43"Stop grumbling among yourselves," Jesus answered. 44"No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him, and I will raise him up at the last day. 45It is written in the Prophets: 'They will all be taught by God.' Everyone who listens to the Father and learns from him comes to me. 46No one has seen the Father except the one who is from God; only he has seen the Father. 47I tell you the truth, he who believes has everlasting life. 48I am the bread of life. 49Your forefathers ate the manna in the desert, yet they died. 50But here is the bread that comes down from heaven, which a man may eat and not die. 51I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world (NIV)." The reason why this passage spoke to me is Jesus is laying it out on the line that he is the only way to see God, that he is the only way to receive eternal life. Jesus said all he needed to, there’s nothing for me to comment on.

The last section in John 6, verses 60 to 71 spoke to me. Here they are:
60On hearing it, many of his disciples said, "This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?"

61Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, "Does this offend you? 62What if you see the Son of Man ascend to where he was before! 63The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life. 64Yet there are some of you who do not believe." For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them did not believe and who would betray him. 65He went on to say, "This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled him."

66From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.

67"You do not want to leave too, do you?" Jesus asked the Twelve.

68Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. 69We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God."

70Then Jesus replied, "Have I not chosen you, the Twelve? Yet one of you is a devil!" 71(He meant Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, who, though one of the Twelve, was later to betray him.)

Wow. Why just one word? Jesus calls people to come to Him, and only people He calls come. One may ask then, at the end of the book Matthew, why did Jesus call us to “go out and make disciples” if only people who He’s called comes in? To me, I believe it because through going out and sharing the greatest gift we received in the world, why shouldn’t we go and share that with people, especially if people’s eyes aren’t opened yet to the love of Jesus Christ and the gift He’s given us with His death upon the cross.

My ministry outreach…

Or I should say; I feel like the lack-there-of. What do I mean, you may ask? Yes, I am co-leading the men’s bible study in Case Hall on St Cloud State University campus. But to be dead honest with you, I feel like nothing is coming out of it. Yes, I was able to get to know a couple of new freshmen, who I enjoy each time I am able to spend time with them and get to know them. I was able to meet another guy who’s coming back to Christ, which is huge to me that he’s coming to the bible study that I co-lead. That’s really awesome. And the two other guys who come I absolutely love. I’ve known them for years but this year is the first year that I’ve been able to get a better chance to get to know them. Names don’t matter for these five men, but it wouldn’t be hard to figure out whom I am referring to.

But still, I feel like the time I spend for those men, nothing’s coming out of it. Yeah, two freshmen come and three upperclassmen. Shouldn’t it be all about their growth, as well as mine and the other co-leader over numbers? Yes, that is what should be the key, and it is, but the thing that is discouraging is this: feeling unable to connect with those men that God has placed in my hands to help them grow in their faith. I told myself this year that I need to spend time with my men that God gave me over last year when last year I didn’t care outside of twice a week, at bible study and at Cru. And to be honest, I really don’t know what I can do. I’ve prayed about it, I’ve talked to Godly men about this, and I still don’t know what to do. Feelings and emotions sucks. Greatly.

One song that I never really liked at first but grew on me, and each time I hear the song and each time I read the lyrics, God speaks to me through the song. What song am I referring to? “By Your Side” by Tenth Avenue North. Here are the lyrics I like:

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

The reason why I love this song is because the band reminds me of the promise God made to us through His son and what His son did for us that Friday in the Middle East. That song reminds me that no matter what, no matter if I choose to sin, no matter how I feel, no matter what, God wants me to go to Him for everything. He’s awesome, and it’s neat that He is.

I don’t know. I don’t know if this helped any of you out there. I know it has for me. I am in a better mood after doing this, reviewing scripture, listening to a sermon, and listening to worship music. I don’t know if any of you out there go through the same things I am going through, but if so, I hope somehow that this helps.